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How I Met Your Mother Noretta (HD, TV-14) The gang realizes that their romantic partner reminds them of one of their parents; Barney and Nora's romantic evening is ruined by a string of bad events.
How I Met Your Mother Disaster Averted (HD, TV-14) The gang reminisces about what happened during Hurricane Irene; Barney tries to cut a deal with Marshall and Lily to get out of wearing the ducky tie.
Two and a Half Men Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous (HD, TV-14) When Alan befriends a homosexual man named Greg, he and Charlie begin to wonder about their own sexuality; meanwhile, Jake falls for Greg's daughter.
Two and a Half Men Mr. McGlue's Feedbag (HD, TV-14) Alan goes to the DMV and gets conned by an attractive woman; Charlie neglects his responsibility to help Jake with school work by taking him to the race track.
Seinfeld The Dealership (HD, TV-PG) Jerry is forced to mend Elaine and Putty's rocky relationship if he hopes to get an insider deal on his new car; George struggles to expose a candy conspiracy.
Vertical Limit (TV-14, PG-13, **+) A photographer organizes a rescue team after his sister and her climbing party are trapped by an avalanche while climbing the world's second highest mountain.

I Come in Peace (TV-14, R, **+) A tough Houston vice cop is forced to team up with a straight-laced FBI agent and a cop from outer space to stop an extraterrestrial drug dealer.
Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (TV-14, R, *+) Luc and Veronica continue in their attempts to expose the Universal Soldier unit for what it really is but Veronica goes on the run as a fugitive.

That '70s Show Holy Craps! (TV-14) When Kitty forces Eric, Hyde, Red and Kelso to help at a church fundraiser, Red becomes glued to the craps table and Kelso and Hyde cheat at bingo.
That '70s Show Fez Dates Donna (TV-14) Donna agrees to go on fake dates with Fez in order to help him trick Caroline; the guys set up a pool on when Jackie and Kelso will have their first fight.
That '70s Show Eric's Drunken Tattoo (TV-PG) After reading Donna's diary and learning she wishes he had a dangerous side, Eric goes out and has Leo give him a tattoo; Kitty asks Pastor Dave to dinner.
That '70s Show Canadian Road Trip (TV-PG) Eric, Hyde, Kelso and Fez take a road trip to Canada to buy beer, but on the trip home Fez finds he forgot his green card and the group is stopped by Mounties.
Roseanne Glengarry, Glen Rosey (TV-PG) The Conners are happy when it looks like the house Dan invests in is going to pay off; Roseanne and Dan fear a financial crisis when their buyer backs out.
Roseanne Tooth or Consequences (TV-14) Dan finds that he needs a steadier job after he knocks one of Roseanne's teeth out by accident; David is rejected from art school while Darlene is accepted.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent Maledictus (HD, TV-14) After an author's head is mailed to her publisher, Goren and Eames discover that she was the daughter of a mob boss and had begun work on a new tell-all book.
Law & Order: Criminal Intent Badge (HD, TV-14) A city auditor is in the middle of an investigation into the financial backgrounds of several former police officers when he and his family are murdered.
Law & Order: Criminal Intent Faith (HD, TV-14) A wealthy publisher is murdered to stop him from exposing an elaborate confidence game, and Goren and Eames decide to attempt a con of their own.
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